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What's fresh and new in the life and work of Seska Lee. Week of February 4th, 2008 Birthday
Celebrations I had a lovely weekend. On Saturday I hung out with James. We watched the move The Breakfast Club as inspiration for my 1980s themed birthday party. It helped me get in the mood. So did going through my high school yearbooks, the diaries from my youth and my photo albums. In the evening I got together with my friends, most of whom came in costume, and we had an awesome time flashing back to our pasts - though some of my friends are a good ten years younger than me so their 1980s memories are different than mine. Still, we all enjoyed the music, the atmosphere and each other's company. It was great. I wore my prom dress from 1988. It still fit. Well, barely. My breasts are a little bigger and I have gained a few pounds since I was 17 (I was skinny - skinny as a teen), but I did manage to squeeze into it. James went as John Bender from The Breakfast Club - albeit a goateed, darker haired version of him. Our costumes were a hit. I actually found James terrible sexy in the costume - well, maybe not the wig part. ;-)
I have a Live Group Show scheduled for 3pm today. Members of my website can see this show and many others for free by viewing from my members' area web cam page. If you are not a member of my website you can still view the show for the low price of $2. Just register to Rude, buy some chips and tune in! Monday,
February 4th I went to see the film Cloverfield last night. Like many people I was drawn into the initial viral marketing for the film, but then kind of forgot about it. When it was released a few weeks ago I was reminded that I wanted to see it and now that I have am glad I saw it. I told James this morning a bit about it when I got home, saying it was good. He asked, "not great?". No, not great. A few little things bothered me, but I still found it very enjoyable. There were some people in the theatre who clearly thought it was not a good film. I heard as the credits were rolling, "so boring". I think they did not appreciate the personal element of the plot. I think they thought they�d get War of the Worlds. This was not about big stars. It was about trying to capture what would happen if a regular person had a handheld video camera when something terrible and catastrophic happens. I found it refreshing, not boring. Tonight I have another webcam show. This time on SexCamCentral. It will be a girl-guy show. Well, I start off solo and then James joins in at 9:30PM. We will not be in costume. ;-) Tuesday,
February 5th I've got a busy day ahead of em today. 4 loads of laundry are looking me squarely in the eye but they will just have to be patient for a bit. My day is going to be filled with data entry and addressing envelopes for AH (I work one day a week with her in exchange for photoshoots). Then I will be off to CKUT to co-host Audio Smut. We will have an interview with a women's health collective as well as the organizers of V Day Montreal. Tune in if you can (6-7pm). Afterwards, I will be heading out to a concert - that is if I get in. I am supposed to be on the guest list. I would be happy to buy a ticket but it is sold out. I have my fingers crossed that the person who is supposed to get me in will remmeber to do so. I have had bad luck with such things in the past. Forgetful rock stars and all. I think posting a pic will improve my karma. <grin> Va
Va Voom ! for V Day Montreal with Team Burlesque Tonight there is a benefit burlesque show that features Team Burlesque. Team Burlesque is network of independent Montreal based burlesque and cabaret performers. I am a coordinator of the group and I put together tonight's show. The Team is awesome and I cannot wait until tonight. If you are in Montreal, please come out to support us. It is a great cause (local organizations that work towards ending violence against women).
Va Va Voom!
Featuring Team Burlesque Week of February 11th, 2008 Nice
Weekend + Live Group Webcam Show on Rude A nice weekend is under my belt. The Team Burlesque show went very well. I was on a bit of a high afterwards because my three solo performances got a good response and I felt very confident, very much in control as I performed them. I was well prepared which I think makes all the difference for such things. I also did well with the bit of hosting I had to do. I had hoped to have a MC for the show but that fell through so I took the microphone a few times during the show to welcome the crown and let them know what to expect. I did so bilingually which I am very pleased with. I am going to work on my MC skills – especially in French. I think it will be a good addition to my performance résumé. I was very tired come Friday. I only had a couple of drinks the night before but preparing and putting on the show really took a lot out of me. I had some work to do for AH which I managed to get done but it was a bit of a struggle. I definitely was not my perky self. In the evening she and I went out together to do a little shopping – some plus size lingerie for her clientele (she does pin-up and boudoir photography and wants to accommodate a variety of sizes) and some underwear and body products for me (I received a couple of gift cards for my birthday and it was fun to use ‘em up). Afterwards, I came home and got ready for my friend’s birthday party. I took my time. I used one of the Lush bath bombs I had purchased with my gift card and washed my hair with their neat solid shampoo (makes my hair so soft and shiny). Then I got dolled up and headed over to the party which was being held at a neighbour’s place (I was able to just go upstairs – no coat, no boots, no fuss). I was a bit late, even beyond my leisurely preparations. That was because I wanted to wear a tie. My friend often wears them so in honour of his birthday I wanted to wear one too. I looked up a how-to video on the net and gave it a whirl. The video was good, but I sucked. Not wanting to waste any more time I decided to just slip it around my collar and have him tie it when I got there. When I got in I found James who was already there, gave him a kiss and then made a beeline for my friend who was in the kitchen. I told him about my tie and he gladly got behind me to tie it. He said he had to do it the way he ties his tie – from his perspective. I am glad he did. I found it rather erotic – his body pressed against mine, arms around me, doing something rather mundane, breath in my neck. Yes, definitely erotic and this eroticism led to a special adventure – I am saving the details for a members-only journal entry. Yeah, it was that good. On Saturday afternoon I worked on my Vagina Monologues costume and memorized my lines. I was not able to get the whole piece memorized but I managed a fair chunk. Of course, by the next day when I was to present it to the cast and director I had huge lapses of memory and was a basket case of nerves. Thankfully, I was able to work privately with the percussionist who will be accompanying me when I present my monologue and later in the afternoon when we performed in costume I did much better. A few lines still slipped my mind but I felt good about my progress and with a little work tomorrow on it I should be show ready for our last rehearsal on Wednesday night. Speaking of tomorrow – V Day Montreal is hosting an art vernisage and silent auction with proceeds going to the not-for-profits that are their beneficiaries. I will be attending it before my Tuesday night webcam show so come on out if you’d like to meet me. The best part of the vernissage though is that the organizers will be selling tickets for the Friday night performance at a special 2 for 1 price. A fantastic deal! Here are the details for the play itself as well as the art vernissage… Vaginal Vernissage V Day Montreal’s
Vagina Monologues - I have a Live Group Show scheduled for 3pm today. Members of my website can see this show and many others for free by viewing from my members' area web cam page. If you are not a member of my website you can still view the show for the low price of $2. Just register to Rude, buy some chips and tune in! Monday,
February 11th I got a bunch of stuff done this morning. I woke up early - 7am - pretty much an hour after James came to bed (we have very different schedules these days). I would like to have slept a little more, but it seems my brain and my body had other ideas. So instead of tossing and turning I headed to the computer room and did some work. First, I finished and uploaded a new members-only journal entry. A snippet… We drove to Jason’s hotel room and went up to his suite. The sofa bed was opened and we all sat on it and turned on the TV to a music station – something that made me happy. I love having music on while I fuck. Granted, it was not music I listen to, but it was sufficient. As the insipid music videos played I got semi naked and there was some discussion about Rachel’s breasts. She has lovely, large natural breasts and they certainly were to be admired – which we all did when she exposed them. She was a bit giggly too. Not sure if it was nerves or just her personality. The situation was a bit special – not your run of the mill hook-up. Perhaps due to my experience or personality I was just rolling with it. I was not feeling at all awkward or shy. Then I surfed the Net looking at porn that I wanted to feature here at my Seska 4 Lovers website – deciding on a couple of POTDs (pics of the day) for my Gallery page as well as a nicely lit couples gallery. Among my travels I also came across a lovely gallery featuring two of my turn-ons – a sexy brunette gal taking a shower. Gosh, do I ever enjoy the sight of a gal with wet hair and shiny, slick looking skin. And about the brunette turn on - this goes way back.
I also checked out the blogs I have listed on my little blog roll, spending a bit of time catching up on the activities of a male porn star named Christian. I really enjoy his optimism and energy. Whether he is writing about his work, his co-stars, his workouts or his World of Warcraft gaming he seems to have a positive outlook. I appreciate that. - I have a SexCamCentral show scheduled for 9pm today. I am really looking forward to getting naked with James and sharing some of our intimacy and desire with our viewers. Tuesday,
February 121th Now the big crunch begins. Today I am working a bit at AH’s (yea! more data entry of her inventory!) and then off to rehearsals for the Vagina Monologues – which are this Friday and Saturday. I am starting to get nervous slash excited. It feels a bit much but I will handle it. I much prefer always being at an even keel. Stress of this kind can be a bit of rush and helps me accomplish a lot in a short amount of time – often because I cannot sleep as long as I am used to. However, I am sure my adrenals are working over time and my body is suffering for it. After this show I am going to take a break from extra obligations no matter how good the cause (I am such a sucker for helping people out and working for free). I am going to focus on me and my apartment for a bit. I want to finally get around to organizing the office and cleaning out the kitchen. Yesterday at our V Day Montreal Vagina Monologues rehearsal we had a potluck (I brought some pre-made salads – Thai slaw, sweet potatoe and mixed bean – unfortunately no time to cook or bake myself). Then we sat around the television and watched the V Day documentary Until the Violence Stops. It was good to focus on the movement that has come about because of the Vagina Monologues, the stories behind it, the amount of violence women face around the world. It was important for me to get this perspective at this time. It is easy before a performance to get stuck in the words and the moves, to be overly self-involved and even self-indulgent. It is good to get out of that sphere and feel and know the why you are doing the performance. Recovery The Vagina Monologues went extremely well. I am not sure how much money was raised, but the turn out was quite good. The organizers did a fabulous job putting together a special event. The group of women who made up the cast were amazing. I felt so good about myself for being a part of such an empowering and worthwhile project. The weekend was long however. It started early Friday morning and did not stop until the wee hour of Sunday morning. There was so much to do – costuming, make-up, technical run, last minute tweaks, and running lines. Somehow we all got through it and we all performed so well. I was very much impressed by the amount of talent I was surrounded by. A humbling and moving experience indeed. Now I get back to my normal schedule. I must say I am pleased with that. My apartment looks like my burlesque closet exploded. There is so much stuff on my dining room table – sequins, fringe, glue gun, papers, costumes, pyjamas, make-up. I really need to spend a few hours today cleaning it all up. Other things on my agenda – a webcam show on the Rude system at 3pm (free for my members and $2 for general public), going for a quick 5K run, and working on a bit of a facelift for my seska.com (yes, I am working on it!!). I guess I better get to it! James has been particularly affectionate (or as I like to call it mushy) these past few days. He has been asking me to sit on his lap, caressing my shoulders, patting my bum, etc… I think this means we can expect a very enjoyable webcam show tonight. Burlesque
Show Tonight I am excited because tonight I will be performing at Salon Officiel. I have not performed there since last October. Well, officially that is. I was there last Friday after the Vagina Monolgues and since I still had my costume on I danced on the bar and did my thing. It was so much fun. Hope to have some more fun tonight too! The gig went well. I had odd moments of melancholy though as I flashed back to last Halloween when after my show I met a great guy and we had a fling over the course of the next few days. I remembered his amazing body, sweet smile and how we kissed goodbye on the Metro (OK, there were also XXX details that I fancied – grin). Last night I scanned the crowd and there were no suitable suitors. No one comparable. I don’t believe people can be replaced, but when I do have a lovely experience with someone I am hopeful that it will not be my last. A couple of weeks ago I got a 4 blade razor in a gift bag. I did not think I needed the upgrade but since I had it I tried it out. I really enjoyed the effect. My legs feel even smoother and the shape of the handle makes it much easier to control and get into the curves of my body. Of course, the blades themselves are rather pricey, but if it gives me such a close shave and no nicks then it is worth it. - I made an appointment for next week for a hair trim. I cannot wait. I have been growing out some layers for some time now and I think I am pretty much done with that process. Now it is time for a wee bit of form to be given to my hair. I like having some volume and I cannot have it with one length hair that is for sure. I am also looking forward to the salon experience because I feel like I am in need of a bit of pampering. It has been a while since I have done something like this for myself. - I think I am going to head out for a little personal errand today. I have been wanting to get the book Skinny Bitch for a while. I find the title obnoxious, but I believe the authors are vegan and the book has recommendations that follow vegan eating guidelines. While I am not out to lose weight I do enjoy reading about health and well being. I am betting the sassy attitude of the book will be right up my alley as well. Week of February 25th, 2008 I suppose this could be a bit of a rant. It certainly is an expression of frustration. It is about the appeal of gagging. There are men out there that really like it when a girl chokes, gags and even throws up a little (or a lot) when she sucks cock. I assume part of the appeal for one-on-one encounters is that your cock is of such size that it can go deep into a woman’s throat and that it is so large that it makes her gag and throw up. As well, from what I have read on various message boards, there are men who enjoy it when a woman pushes past her physical limits in the name of sexuality. I can appreciate these things from an intellectual perspective, but not at all from a physical one. Gagging and throwing up for me is my body’s way of telling me something needs to get the fuck out of me. It means I am sick. It means something dangerous is going on. Throwing up makes me cry. It stresses me out. It reminds me of past illness or overindulgences in alcohol. It is not the least bit sexy. It is not a turn on. It is something I try to avoid at all costs. Actual puke on a cock? A little throw-up in my mouth? Not my thing at all. It is hard to bring this disdain for gagging and throwing up in the heat of the moment. Sure, when I am with a lover I can take control of the blowjob and keep it at a decent depth. But as much as I wish I could explain in as I have here, I know it would ruin the moment. I usually save the discussion for later. But it is not something I like to explain to one individual in my chatroom during a webcam show (same thing for why anal is not on the menu during a given night – must I have to tell everyone about my poop habits while I try to entertain a group of people?). I also do not get why I have to explain any of this at all. Do these men not throw up? Do these men not have digestive systems? Do they not realize women have them as well? I have heard that during sex men think with their cock not their brain, but I cannot accept that. Do they really lose all common sense? Le sigh. I
Got Me Some Girlie Crushes Didn’t Diablo Cody look awesome at the Oscar’s? I loved the speech. Her success and her openness about her stripper work has this (and other) sex workers feeling all mushy. I have such tingly feelings for Elizabeth Banks. She makes me laugh. She has a spoof video out with Seth Rogan that has some hilarious lines and I love her appearances in the Spiderman movies. So smart, sassy and sexy. Hellboy II is coming out soon. I liked the first movie and am looking forward to the sequel. One major reason: Selma Blair. I really dig her. Sexy, interesting, goofy. I love that mix. By the way... Live
Webcam Show Tonight! Thoughts
on Reality of Porn A previous post and comments from a reader has me thinking even more about porn viewers’ expectations. Basically, this question has been buzzing through my mind: Why do you think people are so quick to believe what they see in porn and try to emulate it and/or request it of performers? A few of my thoughts (not at all conclusive and I state that I have the right to change my opinion at any time – hey, and so do you! : -)… So much of the porn industry sells itself as the real thing. Pornographers take a fantasy that may or may not be a healthy, sane or reasonable idea in everyday life and turn it into a product for people to consume, marketing it as a desirable act or interaction. Some do this so well that the fantasy aspects become blurred with reality. This is not limited to the mainstream and corporate industry. When it comes to Amateur porn, while there are many for whom it is a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of thing, there are also some sites and people who promoted their content (and themselves) in ways that are highly embellished versions actual sex lives. This false or exaggerated version of reality can leave a viewer believing certain things about sex that are not true at all – things about motivations, desire, sexual response, risks, preparation, to name just a few. Viewers then bring all of this into their own sex lives. They project these things onto others. They expect these things from other performers (especially in the case of webcam shows). False expectations. Never good for partnered sex. Not good for sex in general. We really need some critical thinking education when it comes to porn. OK, for lots of things. I have a salon afternoon ahead of me. Going to get a much needed trim. I found a split end the other day. Got keep those ends fresh and healthy. - I had a glass of orange juice and quickly realized how much I dislike pulp. I know it is good for me but it makes me feel all icky when I have it in my mouth. Very icky. - My boyfriend is coming back to Montreal for a few weeks. We are supposed to get together tonight for a 24 hour date. I am looking forward to it. I miss him. - I am totally digging the book Skinny Bitch. Yes, it comes off as harsh and I can see why some people might interpret it as encouraging skinniness as equating healthy, but I think that has more to do with people projecting their own idea of skinny onto their words (and not reading the whole book). When I read it I kept thinking about all the additives that I consume, how fast food messes me up, and how I let my emotions dictate my food choices more often than not. Their bottom line (and one I agree with) eating crap makes you look and feel like crap. * Méli Mélo is a French term for a mish-mash. A little visual to end the month - a special leap year February!
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