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Reflections on "Fake" Women
Seska Lee

I am listening to a podcast by Melissa Gira. She is sharing her thoughts and feelings on fake women - the way female sex workers are perceived based on their style and how people judge sex workers and the sex work experience on a supposed lack of authenticity. It is an insightful and entertaining audio work created while she is at work in her peepshow booth. The topic is one that I have been pondering for some time and I feel the need to examine what she says and see how it fits into how I see sex workers. So this essay is part review, but also part reflection.

Melissa proposes thinking of things in terms of different rather than real. In terms of appearance, she addresses the backlash there has been against sex workers, especially those working as strippers and in porn, who fall into the mainstream ideals of stripper and porn star beauty and style. Many people are quick to judge women with that look as being fake and that the porn they create is fake. Alt-porn in particular is seen as a more real expression of sexuality. Melissa points out that porn that features alt-porn models and performers do not necessarily mean the porn is more real. It does not mean the sex workers involved have better working conditions, more control, or more self esteem. You can find good and bad working conditions in all kinds of genres of porn. You can find hot, intense sex in all kinds of porn. You can find people phoning in a performance in all kinds of porn. It is not dependent on the performers' style of dress or make-up.

In her podcast she also looks at the expectation that sex workers should always be experiencing and sharing a genuine sexual experience while at work. This is unrealistic. Who shares all of their true authentic self in a work situation or even in every sexual situation? I know for myself I try to have a good time when I work, but that might mean focusing on a fantasy, one aspect of my partner, or a specific physical sensation. And this is also true in my off camera experiences. Having mind blowing sex where everything falls into place every time (i.e. love, chemistry, emotions, physical comfort, lubrication, arousal, orgasm, etc…) is a lot to ask for. The same thing can be said for other forms of sex work. You have to consider the variability of life and human experience in sex and in sex work.

Similarly, Melissa addresses the value judgment people make with regards to what is a genuine sexual entertainment experience. Some people limit it to penis in vagina intercourse where the male ejaculates. It is sex entertainment as seen in heterosexist terms. Of course, sex is about so much more. For some stripping is a sexual experience for both them and the stripper. Physical contact need not be required. For some both parties need not be getting of. The sex worker can simply be very good at creating a sexual atmosphere with a client. Again, it is about things being different for different people. One thing is not better than another. One person is not more real than another. Why should our perception of what is true sex and what is a real person deny anyone their livelihood or customers their right to pay for it?

Thinking of people in terms of fake versus real is a value judgement that leads to the believing the fake person is a lesser person than the real one. Furthermore, thinking of the fake sex worker as less valuable can mean for some that they can do what they want with them. They can speak negatively about them and treat them badly because their feelings don't matter. Well, that is just plain awful and entirely way too common. I know it has happened to me.

Melissa's comments come at good time for me. For a while I have been having an internal debate about artifice and authenticity in sex work. To be honest I have mixed feelings on the subject. What she says resonates with me as a better way of seeing sex work and sex workers, but I know I am guilty of judging elements of sex work and sex workers - those who seem less genuine to me, those who seem to be catering to consumer wants, those who go to great lengths to change their appearance. I know I have written copy that focuses on "real folks" as opposed to cookie cutter porn starlets. When I express these views I am also encouraging the denigration of sex workers and of women. I really do not want to be doing that. I really don't. So I am going to stop.

Melissa Gira is a writer, podcaster and sex worker. You can listen to her podcast at her website - Sacred Whore.